Still waiting, and stuck in another way

I’m still waiting for the official offer letter. It’s driving me crazy. They told me I’d have it by today. but when I reached out to my contact after mid-day, the call went to voicemail. I’m trying not to panic, but I know if I don’t hear from her tomorrow that I’m going to. I’m pretty much stuck – I won’t put in my 2 weeks until I have that offer letter in hand I’ve been burned by that before, and I won’t put myself back in that situation.

Current job is not going to be happy, and I already confirmed with new job’s HR that if things go poorly or completely south that they can have me start earlier. But they’re going to be pissed that I accepted the new position only to leave three weeks later. They have a track record of making life utterly miserable for people that are leaving, and I’m preparing for the worst.

But onto other things.

Have you ever had the feeling of being stuck in your own head? Like, repeating obsessive thoughts all along the same line. Here’s an example. I accidentally cut my wrist on some rough metal sheeting. It was a shallow cut, but I couldn’t stop staring at it. And from there we went to literally dissecting my wrist, making sure not to cut anything vital, down to the bone until I could literally see my pulse through my arteries and veins. If I’m being honest, I still dream about this, I don’t know how many years later. My shrink calls these intrusive thoughts. I call them a pain in the ass.

My head can get so hooked on a thought or idea. Hell, even a person or a place. It goes round and round and round. Most of the time a weird cycle of anxiety goes with it. Sometimes it means an episode is coming on. Sometimes it’s just Tuesday. One thing we’re working on in therapy is how to let these thoughts go, but it’s easier said than done. A lot easier said than done.

I’m open to hearing how you deal with these things.

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