How does your story look from the outside?

I spend a lot of time wondering. Just thinking about different things. Most of the time not even about things that are all that important.

So one of the things I’ve been thinking about recently is my story. Obviously no one knows it better than me. I’m privy to the thoughts and feelings that I have that I don’t share with anyone. My inner monologue, if you will.

But I had two interesting thoughts this week.

We are all a part of other people’s stories. Maybe for a fleeting moment, maybe we hang around longer. But their stories help make up our own stories. Their stories expand our stories as we touch people’s lives and influence them. Every person you meet, hell every person you see, is a part of your story and you are a part of theirs. This could be net positive, net negative, or even net neutral.

If you really think about it, you’re connected to just about every person Earth just because of the people you’ve interacted with, and they’ve interacted with, and so on. It’s kind of a crazy thought.

I had a further thought though – in someone’s story, you are the villain. At least for a little bit. Just like you have your own villains, you are almost guaranteed to be someone’s.

I have to admit, all of these thoughts made me panic a little bit.

I’m an introvert at heart. When I’m at work, I’m an extrovert because I have to be. I couldn’t do my job as an introvert. But you bet your ass as soon as I leave work and am out of “work-mode,” I’m back to my social anxiety ridden, introverted self. I have to moderate who I spend time with by who adds to the bucket, who takes away, and who has little effect on it. I have friends that I can’t see very often because they exhaust me. And then I have friends I could see every day because they add to the bucket. My husband (luckily? thankfully? maybe that’s one reason why I married him?), is one of those people that adds to my bucket.

But a little further off topic, but still kind of on – who can you be yourself around and who do you wear a mask around? I have very few people in my life that I can be 100% myself around. I can think of 3-4 off of the top of my head. Everyone else I have to moderate myself with, either to protect myself, out of embarrassment, lack of trust, etc. I don’t show my true self to many people.

I don’t know. These were just some of my thoughts over the last few days. They’ve been rattling around in my head and I wanted them out.

I don’t even know what to tag this post as.

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