I have many thoughts

I have many thoughts. But I’m not really sure what they are. Does that make sense? I have all of these thoughts and feelings, but I can’t really define any of them.

One major irritant is that I spent 10 hours (while travelling) doing all of these modules for a food safety exam. I took notes, made flashcards, and studied my butt off. Took the exam this morning. Most of it was stuff never covered in the modules, and what was covered heavily in the modules wasn’t even on the dumb thing! I’m so annoyed. I either did fabulously or bombed the hell out of it. On the upside, if I bombed I can take it again in a few weeks and will have a much better idea of what is on the stupid thing. Although watch, it would be the reverse that time – all of the stuff that I studied for this time, and nothing that I would focus on for next time. For better or worse, I’ll get my results in 10 days-2 weeks. I hate these kinds of tests. They seem to be almost impossible to prepare for. I mean, does anyone else know what kind of cockroach is commonly found in food areas? I threw a Hail Mary and guessed American. Upon googling it appears that I might have been right, but this was NEVER COVERED IN THE MODULES. I quit.

It looks like Mike is agreeing to bring home a 5th cat. He’s a rescue at the shelter where I volunteer. He’s incredibly shy and hides when people come in, so it’s making it hard for him to get adopted. That being said, once he’s comfortable with you he is the sweetest little thing on 4 legs. My argument is that I’m the one that does the litter boxes normally, so he really has nothing to worry about other than cuddling the shit out of the cat. It appears that I finally won him over. I know, 5 cats sounds crazy. But this dude needs a loving home with other cats to play with. We can provide that. It looks like we’re never going to have kids (something we’re fine with), so pets are going to be our kids (something I’m also fine with). There are a lot of shelter animals out there that need a good home. We’re lucky that we can provide that for some of them.

I’ve spent a week and a half in training, now. Part of me feels totally confident that I can do this job. The other is screaming, “management?! I can’t be management!” Everyone seems to have a lot more faith in me than I do. How can you be sure of yourself? How do you shut up those voices in your head that tell you that you aren’t good enough.

I don’t know how. And I also kind of don’t want them to go away.

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