A little of this, a little of that. I’m really bad at these titles.

I’ve noticed recently that my anxiety isn’t acting up at the moment. It’s funny how you don’t notice these things right away. I mean, it’s been at least two weeks since it was noticeable, if I’m remembering correctly (which, let’s face it, I might not be). I checked off “anxious” on my mood tracker one day last week, but looking back it wasn’t really anxious. Maybe more a little unsettled. Not truly anxious, that is.

You know, I sat down with a whole list of topics in mind to write about. But now? I’m drawing a blank.

Oh! I did my first post-flu workout. It was a video I’ve done at least a hundred times before and killed it. I wanted to die halfway through it. My stamina isn’t nearly what it was. But I pushed on and did it, albeit at a lower intensity than I’m used to. It felt good. I’m hoping tomorrow morning to hit the gym before I donate plasma. Wednesday will also be a lighter day at the gym due to the blood donation, but I’m trying to get fighting fit again. I think this is going to be a longer road than I anticipated. On the upside, between the workout and running around like a nut at work I ended the day with a 500+ calorie deficit.

I guess that’s it. If I ever figure out what I was going to write about I’ll be back.

I’m sick and can’t sleep

Hello fellow insomniacs. It appears that I have the flu. This sucks. I got the shot, but apparently the strain that’s going around isn’t represented heavily in the vaccine this year. Wonderful.

I don’t think I’ve been sick, really, in about four years – back to when I had a kidney infection that landed me in the hospital. I had forgotten how much this sucks. I’m exhausted, I ache everywhere, and I generally feel like crap. I’ve been sick since Friday with no end in sight. I’m still muddling through to the best of my ability – going to work, trying to get stuff done around the house, etc., but it’s hard because all I want to do after I do the simplest task is take a nap.

I succumbed to that desire today. What was supposed to be a 1-1.5 hour snooze turned into a 4 hour coma. Which, of course, means that I now cannot sleep. I have to be at work at 8, and it’s already 12:30. I tried to go to bed at 9:30 but I just tossed and turned, couldn’t get comfortable, and wide awake. Finally around 11 I got up, got the kitchen and living room cleaned up, got the checkbook balanced, got some stuff done in my planner, read a bit, all while listening to podcasts. I just want to go to sleep.

I was thinking about this today, though. Being sick feels a lot like being depressed, except with congestion and coughing. Think about it – no energy to do anything, general malaise, feeling down and like crap, sleep screwed up, little to no motivation, and the overwhelming desire to be a blob on the couch while watching The West Wing.

I’ve still been taking my meds as usual, and I know this isn’t a real depression, but this really sucks. It’s depression with phlegm.

I actually looked in the mirror today. My skin has no color, my eyes are kind of glassy – I kind of look like a zombie. It’s not a good look.

To everyone out there dealing with the flu – I feel you bro. We’ll get through this together.

I’m going to go find a cat to cuddle and try to get some sleep on the couch.