Making progress

Went to the gym for the fourth time today after work. It was a tough one, but I did it. And then I came home and ate hot dogs (and no, I’m not kidding). I cheated a little today and went 50cal over my budget for the day, but I’ve been good all week. And 50cal isn’t all that much. I think I’ve got myself planned for Thursday to jump on the scale. We’ll see if there’s any progress.

Work dragged today. When I was doing the schedule first thing in the morning and in the late afternoon when I was doing paperwork it wasn’t too bad. But man, those middle hours dragged on forever. It was actually painful to be at work. I hate days like this. It’s so hard to stay motivated and focused when you want to be anywhere but where you are. On the upside, I’m now halfway through my 8 day stretch. Too bad the hardest part (Monday into Tuesday) is going to be the worst as I close-open between those two days.

As of right now my transfer for next week is still on. But tomorrow is Monday, so who the hell knows what’s going to happen over the next four days. For all I know I’ll be going to Kentucky by Thursday. (For the record, this is not a possibility, but it sure as hell feels like it could be, at this point. I just want to know where I’m going to be, without the Wednesday Hail Mary of “we’re just going to give you a schedule here since we haven’t heard anything else.” I’m over it. I don’t even care where I go or if I stay where I am. I just want some permanence so I can go back to planning my life and having some sense of being grounded and stable. Honestly? With all of this going on, I can’t believe that I haven’t had any kind of even mini-episode. Thank God for meds, I guess. I haven’t even seen my therapist since November, or my shrink since December. For me, this is a miracle. With all of the uncertainty and doubt, the stress of not knowing what’s happening, I’ve managed to stay stable. I’ve managed to stay sane. Even with quitting smoking and going back to vaping, changing my diet, etc.

It’s been a hell of a year so far, filled with ups, downs, and even some sideways, and there’s still 11 months and 5 days left.

Keeping up with the Joneses

I’ve had an Erin Condren planner for about six months. I love it. It keeps me organized, breaks up everything I have to do during the week, and keeps my life together.

But.

I just discovered the world of washi tape, stickers, and all of the cool things that you can put into your planner to jazz it up and make it more yours. I’m trying not to go overboard, but I want all of the things.

I joined a Facebook group about the planners, and I have to wonder, seeing some of the posts people are making how much is just doing what everyone else is doing? I mean, some of these women change the look of the planner entirely until it looks like it’s almost unusable for the purpose of, you know, planning. Like, who can put together the most colorful/arful/whateverful layouts and mods.

These things aren’t cheap – why would you spend all of that money and then change so much of it? I don’t know. I don’t get it. Sometimes it just seems like people are out to outdo each other. I know this group very much exists in a vacuum (and don’t get me wrong, there’s some great ideas that I’ve started to incorporate in my own style), and that there’s thousands of people that use these things in their base form, but some of this seems absolutely insane.

Any way. I found out today that my placement is most likely going to be in the store where I already am. I’m happy about it – I already know the people, I know how the store and my department will function, and I’ll have a partner. All good things. And the commute doesn’t suck. Another bonus.

My mood this week seems to have bounced back from the “depression with phlegm” episode. I still tire easily, but I’m getting my feet back beneath me. It’s been a good week, so far. Work is going well, I’ve been getting stuff done around the house, and I’ve made the pledge that I’m going to start at the gym next week. I signed up for a New Member Orientation tomorrow before work so I can get the lay of the land.

Right now I’m feeling highly motivated – to get the house in order, to get our finances in order, to lose weight, to get organized, basically to get my life together. I don’t want this feeling to end. I see good things on the horizon, if only I can pull everything off. I’ve got a lot of balls in the air, but I’m feeling confident. I just need to start feeling 100% again.

New Year. New Me. Let’s fucking do this.